Thursday, July 9, 2009

Sunder, Shades of Black and Red: #003

Chapter Three: Sanctuary

Being in love is terrible. It opens your inner being and makes you so vulnerable in any forms of emotional attack. You give the best of you to the person you love even they didn’t ask it, and your damn best is not good to make it last. They did something like smile at you, embrace you, caressing you, kiss you and then your life isn’t your own anymore. There are times that love slowly fade and break our heart. A broken heart turns to be a shattered glass that burst inside our soul in a ripping pain. No matter how much we want to make them stay, they still need to go and we must set them free.

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1st Corinthians 13: 4-7”

As we walk down the same path right now, I still can’t call her mine. In every night we walk under the moonlight, No matter how far we walk, no matter how long it takes, she still needs to return because someone is waiting her to be home.

"grabe ha? I still cant believe nilakad natin from our work place til Edsa! -Mhy"

It feels like a hell knowing she’s not mine. I feel like there is something she takes away from me every time we separated apart. But I start to wonder, how can I loose someone which I haven’t from the very start?

How painful to see that the one you want to be loved is in love with someone else, but there’s no more painful that a guy could ever felt if the one you want to be loved is still crying because of her someone else. Isn’t it ironic?

Is it really necessary to let go the person you love to prove you really love her? If so, if you really love this person, why in the hell you will let her go? If I really did the right thing, why this pain won’t fade away? I hope the rain can wash away this piercing pain which really tearing my soul from within.

Isn’t it absurd to give her all the smiles while I’ll take all these tears? The winds has come and the time were ticking away so fast, life is really short and you cannot turn back time no matter how much you bend your knees and please.

I keep asking myself “Did I really do my part?” I still want to play my part but I know my role is already over. How I wish to remake the things which time turned out to be but I already came this far… I can’t go back where I used to be.

Expressing what I feel to her is like heaven itself. She may not appreciate it but for me, it’s the best feeling in the world. It doesn’t matter if she ignores me; as long as I’m giving my best shot... it really doesn’t matter... Even I know I turn to be an obsessed and masochistic vagabond.

Before she leaves me in Baclaran Church, I embrace her tenderly, I try to whisper that I love her but knowing that she will be caressed by the person she choose when she come back at her pod, I just seal my lips and vanquished my speech.

I supposed that she will leave soon but I want the whole world to know that a part of her stays with me even after she goes.

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