Sunder, Shades of Black and Red: #005

Chapter ?????: Lugeo Semiterna



I never imagine how to live my life without her; I was in an intense pain which cuts my inner being the day she revealed that soon we will be separated by far distances and we might never see each other again. It was a crippling sensation that she painfully drilled a huge hole inside my chest and my vital organ was ragged including my inner soul which continues to bleed and throb despite the passage of time. I try to gasp for air and breathe but my efforts yield nothing as I still suffocated by each mourn and weep wave by wave. I try to stand still but the heavy burdens knock me down on my bended knees as I pray to scrambled my numbness but I can’t evade every piercing pain which succumbs my soul.

I hold my chest even I know that my lungs are still intact, my heart must be beating too but I couldn’t feel every pulse whenever I try to feel it with my hands which felt blue with cold. Wreaking waves keeps me hurting through my limbs and head for the aching loss which radiated from my chest. I know I could still somehow survive and could live through it but deep inside I know I failed and the penitence will last for the rest of my life.

I wondered how long I could hold this pain. Maybe someday, years from now, I would be able to look back on those few short months which we are together because that would always be the best part of my life. I feel that this kind of pain would never be weakened as the time goes by but I would grow strong enough to face and bear this kind of burden from within because the damage she's done in my heart and soul was permanent and irreversible.

I was seeking for someone who can give me some shelter for this heavy burden which eats my soul alive. How much I try to listen to live music, loud laughs of my friends, drink too much and do all the efforts to keep me alive because I’m totally freaking corpse by now, still I cant stop to keep my self from thinking.

Totally ridiculous, I already come to the point of claustrophobia due to my anxiety. I know I’ve been thinned down to the core. This is the time that I appreciate and want to be put in a comatose condition for me to escape this kind of despair. How I wish I would never be awaken until the time she went back to me again.

FYI: Lugeo Semiterna means to grieve forever